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Lolcat - lolcat.txt

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taekz all hiz wiefs An hiz kidz An ther wiefs An hter kidz An his kittehs An hiz moo cowz An his sheeplz An stufs An said g
An jacobs kid Simeon had teh kidz Jemuel An Jamin An Ohad An Jachin An Zohar An Shaul.
Abram had gots menny moocowz and chikenz(notz freid) and piggs and such but pigz wuz st
ht his sons close 2 him, an his fathr kisd them an embracd them an snorgled them and then forgoted their names cuz hes rly
we iz 12 bros but 1 of dem got ded An our kidbro is bak at
an Pharaoh said "k"
"YO Gimmeh somez landz so I can burry my wife, I pays"
But he sed to teh baker d00d i dont liek u cuz u maded bad cookies An DO NOT WANT!!!!1!!!!1!: so he chopz off teh baker
An cuz sum wikkid evil mean d00dz kidnapd me form teh lan
So Esau roamded moer and goez to Seir.
ut ov teh prison An he took baffs wich wuz ok cuz he wuz rly drty form bein in teh dunjun An besiedz he liekd baffs, An he
An Jacob sed wtf Joseph is ded An Simeon iz in teh prison An u will taek Benjamin 2 egypt An prity soon all my kidz wi
An he sai,
sword which turned everywherez (an if yu evar caem up 2 teh sword den it wuld flaem u on teh intarwebs an u wuldnt git no c
Visible Raynbo iz in teh skyz, k? U an me an evrywunz is teh fre
But I gives U teh fast cuz I be waitin fo yo call"
I axed "whut if she DO NOT WANT come here?"
An potipharz wief seez taht Joseph wuz teh cute An she sed we can haz sexxs?
ez kitteh owt ov teh flore dust, an breathd ntew his nawstrils teh bref ov life, wich wuz sorta liek doin cpr on a mudpie,
An he cud haz nothr wierd drem An told his bros yo d00dz, I haz a nothr wierd drem, An chek dis ou
N she hadded a secnd kitten n na
Celing Cat sez 2 him,
An htats how dey stil duz thingz in teh egyptz. sum of teh f00dz is belong 2 ph
An he went teh ded.
tuffz but he gaev teh most foodz 2 benjamin cuz he raely liekd him alot. An dey can haz wien An cakez An icecereemz An stuf
b k bai. An dey caem to Beer-sheba An jacob sed we can has bbq An htey burnt up a moocow An a sheepl An lotz ov catnipz An
so letz us pwnz him, An trhow him in2 sum
ov teh grownd Ceiling Cat madez al teh aminals on teh urfs an in teh see, an al teh burdz up in sky (an sum liek ostrijes w
But if n u 2 chicken 2 cut off ur 4skin den we go kthxbai n leavez n tak
She ploop out yet another called Judah n sed "TNX Ceiling cat n
WHERE?! but still no buttsecks, An they begats kidz. An teh kidz were badass powrful liek superman An wonder woman An all
Ceiling Cat sez Yo 'member me? I wus wif ur dad Abraham, don't be scairded, I gives U che
but DO WANT wife from my landz and relatives 4 Issac."
n he stayed in teh Philistines for a loooooooooong time.
But when he was leik not ded yet, he sended some cookiez n
“Ifs you pwns da man,
n he stay
dey can haz wien An cakez An icecereemz An stuffz liek it waz burfdai prty or sumthin An dey wuz all happy An stufs cuz bo
An jacobs kid Zebulun had teh kidz Sered A
lowen teh urf, it gonna b hard n stuffz; fugitiev n wanderr youz bees in da urf. An its gonna sux cuz therz no united farmw
n he bringed he into his mom's tent n married her, and did PENIS GOES WHERE? and was comforted after his mother
This iz story ov Jacob. Iz rly story of joseph but teh 1th ppl who rited teh bibel rited it down r
w kewl is taht! Joseph iz aliev An iz bosscat of all teh egyptz. w00t! i can goes 2 seez him An b wif him An haz noo base b
An Reuben sed if benjamin getz ded u can pwnz my 2 kidz. i wil maek shur he getz bak to our base An not getz pwnzd.
An cuz sum wikkid evil mean d00dz kidnapd me form teh land ov teh Hebrews An i didnt do ne
An Ceiling Cat said "cain, where iz ma
ed wait a minit u cant getz wood frm gophrs, u has 2 use treez. An Ceiling Cat sed i can callz a tree a gophr if i wantz cu
taht teh dawters ov mens wer rly hot An sexy; An dey sed "PENIS GOES WHERE?" An dey had sexxs but no buttsecks cuz it wuzn
wen all teh peepz in Egypt gotz hungry, dey sed 2 pharo we can haz cheezburgr? An pharo sed go 2 Joseph cuz he is bosscat o
An' after teh s
iz rly hard 2 speel but teh egipshunz had rly weird riting taht wuz all maed out ov pitchurs nsted ov lettrz; An he letz hi
I wasnt done talkin to Ceiling Cat when I sees Rebeka an sez "CAN I HAS UR BUCKET?"
An wen all teh peepz in Egypt gotz hungry, dey sed 2 pharo we can haz cheezburgr? An pharo sed go 2
mean d00dz kidnapd me form teh land ov teh Hebrews An i didnt do ne wikkid evil stuf but dey puts me in teh dunjun ne wai.
but do wanted wife 4 isaac from hims relativez, daz ok."
Israel leevz her dere n goez on 2 Migdal-eder.
As dey went Ceiling Cat hissed and yowled and waved his big
ew dat theyz were showin teh nakedz An stuff cuz Ceiling Cat didnt gaev dem no furz liek teh aminals; An they sewd sum fig-
we wuz in ur field harvestin ur weetz cuz it wuz farmrz dai off (cuz dey maded untied farmwrkrz union dammit), An all ur w
An u taeks 2 ov every kind ov aminal in
So Shechem sez 2 his daddy-cat, "Yo, I wantz 2 marrie her NAO!"
PENIS GOES WHERE?!” An she wuz teh daughter ov Poti-pherah wich soundz kind ov drty 2 An he wuz priest ov On wich isnt ha
Baal-Hanan dieded, an Hadad wuz boss. Hiz city naym Pau, an hiz wife wuz Mehetabel.
atch hrballz, an crosin his arms like macarena, he puted his left hand on manasehs head, even though manaseh wuz teh firstb
h filez in ppls hedz iz all corruptd An dey keep emailin em 2 all ther frendz. i should haev kept it in Beta longr :(
So man muv out da baesment an lives wif da womenz, an be all u can puts your toofbrush nexta mine an I no eats yo
An' teh wetnessez came to teh urf an' it was all wet.
Yer dad leik totally iz hatin on me, srsly! Ceiling Cat lurves me, but yer dad is awl Rawr Rawr Rawr.
An Israe
An teh man calld his womenz name eve; cuz she was teh mothr of all livn' and cuz if he nameded her bertha he woulda b
ut teh 1th ppl who rited teh bibel rited it down rong. mus b cuz ov teh funny alfabetz. Joseph wuz 17 yrz old kidz An 1 dai
He sed, "Where from, where to" "I is hiding frm Sarai."
An dey sed we can haz wierd dremz An we dont undrstanz dem An no 1 can tellz us wtf dey meanz. An Jose
Leah eyez point different directionz but Rachel pretty n she stacked
An all teh dais ov enosh waz 900 An 5 yeers: An him got ded.
Abimelech sez WTF? sheepz, I no wanna HARBL GOES WHERE.
Debora
Tehn Shelah lived 403 more yrz also and
n Laban gave servant gurl Zilpah to her as maidservent
Lot sez to hiz daughters fiances (teh 1 s he wuz gonna let the hole tow
Shelah only waeted 30 yrz before he goed PENIS GOES WHARE?!, and was teh dad ov Eber.
yo d00dz, i hurd dat tehr iz fudz An catnipz An stuff in egypt. go tehre
teh watrz floodd teh urfz 4 hundrd an' fifty dais.
ing Cats wuz fake Ceiling Cats he thot htey wer rael An he wuz all skeerd An stufs. so he didnt taekd fake Ceiling Cats bas
by teh 20An7 day of teh munf after teh munfmonth the beeg sanbox is ready to yous
An wehn Joseph s
I pay you not 2 GTFO".
So teh towerz wuz calld Babel cuz Ceiling Cat made teh
at K
en he wuz all nekid An stuffz An she rly wantd to has sexxs wif him An she wuz bein wikkid evil bitch An tryin to getz him
il be all sad An emo An can haz hart atacxx An stufz but wtf if u duznt go i wil getz ded form hungrz An starvashunz newai.
An outsiedz. An noah sed wait a minit u cant getz wood frm gophrs, u has 2 use treez. An Ceiling Cat sed i can callz a tree
Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites
e sed wtf i has a money in my bukkit wif teh f00dz An dey gotz all skeerd An almos had heart attaxz An stuf An dey sed Ceil
And blessed be Ceiling Cat soo high up,
Teh Doodz sez GTFO with ur wimenz or we pwn U 2.
l increase ur cheezburgerz and childrenz. Im gonna mak u mod ov all tha interweb, an im gonna giv dis land as an evrlastin
butlr sed dont wry, ur Ceiling Cat tellz me put teh moneyz bak in tehr wif teh foodz An i sed k. An he sed simeon com out h
Sonz o Jafef wuz Pyle an Magog-ogog an Madai an Javan an 2-bal an Mes
An owt o


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